College at Last

Here I am in College!

I know that this is a time of my life which I will come to recall fondly as an exciting period of peace and quiet, awesome grades, and complete racial homogeneity. Furthermore, after nearly two decades of having no relationship with my distant parents, I will finally be afforded the opportunity to have no relationship with people just like me. As much as I may enjoy college now, however, it won't hold a candle to the life of mediocrity, numbers, and consistency for which I am preparing myself.

My culture is very important to me. It includes: not speaking English, being baffled by all things Western, not understanding English, math (I think), and not being American. Clearly, the best way to stay true to my cultural heritage is to prevent unnecessary external cultural or linguistic exposure, and there are over 500 student groups here at Cal designed in some way or other to achieve just that. At first, I was worried that I might have to sell myself out and deny my cultural past and give up my identity and be raped of my history by befriending the white kid who lives across the hall, but I was comforted to learn that there was a campus-based organization designed to prevent exactly the sort of cross-cultural understanding I was worried about. Now, as a member of the Association of People Whose Skin Color Closely Matches My Own, I can go out and participate in normal social activities that people of any racial background can enjoy, but as a totally racially homogeneous group, in order to celebrate diversity.

I'm glad that I now have such a solid group of friends with whom to share my staggering lack of competence, and that we have managed to successfully remove any and all extracultural inputs. I have made it a goal to become more like my people in the motherland by knowing even less about the world when I leave Berkeley than when I got here, just as my ancestors have traditionally lived in a government-enforced bubble of misinformation and propagandized lies for centuries.

Time to study!!!!

Pathetic? Lonely? Girly? Should have outgrown this? Yes