Cheer Up: It's Tele-BEARS Time

It’s Tele-BEARS season again! Students everywhere are vowing to wake up later than ever, waitlists are growing by the second, and third-year students are still getting a hang of the system. You, in particular, will find- at the last minute- that the class you need has been moved to 8:00 am, that its well-populated waitlist didn’t manage to get left behind, and that its unit value will be miscalculated to be just enough to block you from enrollment.

Theoretically though, one day, our future won’t actually be scheduled on Tele-BEARS anymore. But will “real life” really be so different? Probably not. What life lessons can we draw from our Tele-BEARS experience?

Now: You realize you chose the wrong major as you find, yet again, that all of your classes are scheduled for 8:00 am

In the Future: Every morning at 5:00, as you wake up, you realize the same thing about the rest of your life

Now: INTROSPECTIVE NORMATIVE ANALYSIS OF SOCIOLOGICAL THEORY 10AC sounds like something you’d rather not do

In the Future: so does PAYING THE RENT

Now: There is a $10 drop fee to correct bad course decisions

In the Future: For $10, your young children can still be persuaded to go away

Now: No matter how carefully you plan it, one of your classes will later be rescheduled to create a perfect conflict with another

In the Future: Your wedding and funeral will occur simultaneously

Now: Choosing a class involves cross-referencing between multiple websites, many of which contain no information, finally culminating in an unsettlingly permanent random decision

In the Future: Choosing a wife will involve cross-referencing between multiple websites, many of which contain no information, finally culminating in an unsettlingly permanent random decision